We Failed
by smile123
Summary: October 31st. Voldemort breaks into the Potter home...but this one-shot explores L J thoughts as they fight Voldemort. warning: cursing, death


Disc- I don't own Harry Potter

Warning- this one-shot is pretty sad, however I tried hard to write it well, so i would love if you read it anyway.

Thanks to K for editing this for me.

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The Potters were sitting around their small kitchen table, eating dinner.

There was a loud bang, and then a crash. Lily and James exchanged terrified looks. "Take Harry and go hide upstairs," James demanded. Lily looked at him, absolutely mortified, and shook her head. "Lily Potter, I love you very much, now GO!" He screamed.

Lily nodded, scooped one-year old Harry into her arms and ran up the stairs, yelling, "I love you, James!"

James put himself behind the kitchen table where he couldn't be cornered, but he was not way out in the open. Voldemort stormed into the next room and for a second, had his back to James.

James pointed his wand straight at Voldemort, but just as he was about to utter a curse, Voldemort spun around and started shooting his own at James.

Ducking, spinning, and jumping away from the curses, James found himself trembling with fear.

No, that was an understatement, he was utterly terrified.

His wife and baby were just upstairs, hopefully safe, and hiding. James was happy that Lily did not fight with him, and did as he told her to. He could not imagine having her alongside him, having both of their lives in jeopardy.

James knew that having Lily with him gave them a better chance of defeating Voldemort, but that didn't matter. James prayed that Lily would find a way out of the house and just run away.

Things were shattering all around them as the fierce dueling intensified.

James thought of how that could be his life shattering, his wife and baby's lives shattering, and turned his whole body's defenses up a notch.

He could not bare to think about how Lily could die. James knew that he could never live without her, and that if she was dead, he was as good as dead as well.

As for his son, Harry, James was terrified. Harry had yet to live and grow into being the fabulous wizard his parents knew he would be.

Then James thought of the other Marauders, and almost broke down. It was too much, thinking about loosing his brothers, his wife, and his child all at the same time.

With that, his decision was made. James would not and could not fail. He would not fail all of the people he loves and let Voldemort kill him.

James was surprised, as he realized in the minutes they had been dueling, not one killing curse had been shot at him yet. It also, however, made him nervous as hell. The more the duel went on, James felt like Voldemort had some sort of plan to kill him.

"Sectumsempra," shouted the black cloaked wizard.

_Shit, I've never even heard of that one before_, thought James as he also shouted, "Protego!"

From upstairs in Harry's closet, Lily could hear almost everything. Curses were being thrown between James and his opponent, who she knew, had to be Voldemort. There was crash after crash as the Potter's furniture and belongings were broken.

Lily hugged Harry into her chest and rocked him, trying to stay calm. Her first thought was that she should be down there, fighting alongside James. Then she thought of her husband, and realized that he wouldn't have let her.

If anything every happened to Lily or to Harry, James would blame himself, no matter what.

There was an evil cackle, followed by, "AVADA KEDAVRA!"

There was a thump, and Lily knew, she just knew, that it was James. Her heart shattered into a million pieces, similar to her belongings downstairs, and her chest constricted.

James was dead. Dead. James Potter, the love and reason for her life was gone.

James was nothing less than the world to Lily. He was the most wonderful person Lily had ever known, and she loved him more than she could express on every piece of paper in the world.

Lily Potter's world was not just turned upside down, it was cut and torn into microscopic pieces. He was gone, forever.

Sadness, guilt, and anger enveloped her, and it was like nothing she had ever felt before.

Lily was beside herself. However, there was no shock. This was Lily Potter, who had one of the most logical minds in the whole Wizarding World; she did not experience shock or disbelief. The truth hit her like a hurricane, tornado, earthquake, and tsunami all combined.

Everything she had lived for was gone. James, her baby, her honey, her one and only love, was lying downstairs, perished.

Lily thought of all of the years she had denied him. All of the years at Hogwarts where she had continuously rejected him, broken his heart, and didn't give him a fair chance.

But because he was James, and because he loved Lily, he never gave up. James tried for six long years, and then he stopped trying, and finally, he got the girl.

Lily thought of how she took him for granted for those six years, and how she should have treated him with more respect and kindness.

Lily thought of how he died for her and Harry, how he died a hero, trying to save the world.

She thought of what a wonderful person James Potter grew up to be, even after he was an arrogant prick for so long.

But most, Lily Potter thought of how much she would give for one more kiss. She thought of how much she needed to feel the spark of his touch, and the warmth of his embrace. Lily thought of how much she wanted to tell him that she loved him. She thought of how wonderful he had been to her for so many years, and that she had never repaid him for his efforts.

And then she put herself in his shoes, and realized how much he would hate to see her thinking of all of these things.

So, for her beloved husband, Lily pushed those thoughts out of her mind, and thought of what James would want her to do. She pushed as hard as she could against the sadness, the anger, the guilt, and the desire in her heart and head.

Lily found it was one of the hardest things she had ever had to do in her life. Forgetting about James was something she never really accomplished, even when she hated him, she just always thought about how much she hated him.

She could imagine James's body, laying downstairs. His glasses askew on his face, but not fogging, there was no breath coming from his nose or mouth. And just now she thought of one more thing she would give so much for: a scream.

If James simply screamed, she would know he still had a chance. Or even if he just whimpered, that was all Lily needed, was something to tell her that he was still hers, and still alive.

Memories of her seven years of Hogwarts played like a slideshow through her head. Slowly, she was fading away, full of nothing but grief.

Grief for Sirius and Remus, who would have to live without their brother-like best friend forever more.

Grief for Alice and Frank, who, even in their state, would never see James at St. Mungo's again, visiting them.

Greif for her son, who would have to live without a father, and possibly a mother as well, as long as he lived through this.

And last, there was grief for herself, Lily Evans Potter, who needed James just to get through her everyday life, just to make it so much better, and to simply complete her.

But the footsteps climbing the stairs awakened her. She had to think- fast.

Apparating out of the room was out of the question, she didn't want the ministry knowing that she was even alive, it was too risky.

There were swishing sounds as Voldemort's long black cloak moved along the floor. Lily knew that she had to get out of the closet, or she would be cornered.

Drawing her wand, Lily opened the closet door just enough for her to slip through silently, into Harry's room.

Placing Harry in his crib, Lily stood at the door, blocking the crib, wand at the ready. She hoped with all her heart that she could surprise Voldemort and simply kill him.

No, she wouldn't kill him. Lily Potter wanted to make him writhe in pain. She wanted him to feel more pain than all the pain he had caused in the world. She wanted to evilly cackle at _his_ pain and mortification, just like he had done to so many others.

Lily wanted to hurt him for causing her the current pain she was in. She wanted him to feel, at least physically, what she was feeling now.

And last, just like he had done so many times, she would only kill him when he was _begging_ for death.

All of these terrible thoughts made Lily wondering what she was turning into. Then she remembered that she was a widow, and that was, in every way, Voldemort's fault.

So yes, she wanted to make him scream, wanted to see him suffer, pull his skin off and rip his bones out if it meant he could feel an ounce of the pain he had caused.

And no, she was not worried about 'stooping to his level' or being 'just as bad as' Voldemort, because this could not compare to his cruelty.

Lily's love was stripped from beneath her, in less than a heartbeat. Wanting to hurt the man who did that to her, that was not cruel, that was not evil, that was simply being human.

Therefore, when she saw his swishing black cloak down the hall, the first word that came to her mind was _crucio,_ but just then, Voldemort turned around, and she had to hide behind the door to Harry's room.

The evil man's light foot steps were coming closer, and Lily knew that she needed a plan. Problem was, she didn't have one.

"Show yourself, Lily Potter, and maybe I won't kill you," snarled the evil man.

But Lily was smarter than to fall for that trick. She knew that either way, Voldemort would kill her, simply because she was there, and a Muggle-born witch.

The black-cloaked, snake-like man took a step from the threshold and pointed his wand straight at Harry. And this time, Lily fell for his trick.

She jumped from her place and stood in front of him, her wand, also pointed straight at Voldemort's chest.

"Aha, here you are. Knew that would work," Voldemort contemplated.

Damn, Lily thought. But as she regained her senses, she knew it was the right thing, or Voldemort would have killed Harry.

But James, James was already gone. Voldemort had taken most of her life, but she would not let him take her son, her baby boy, as well.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" And there came the terrible curse. Lily screamed and jumped in front of the spell, where all she saw was the green light headed straight for her chest.

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**WARNING: This part of the story was debatable whether to include or not, therefore, read at your own risk. **

Lily landed in a dark and eerily quiet place. She looked around, tears pouring out of her eyes. It seemed that Lily was in a courtyard, at night. There was a fountain in the middle, but water only leaked through the holes.

She realized that she could hear sobs.

Looking to her right Lily was surprised, to say the least, at what she saw.

James was sitting next to a plant on the ground, fingering a flower, and crying his heart out.

"James…" Lily choked out.

James abruptly stopped crying. He knew that voice, no matter how masked with emotion it was, he knew that voice.

James stood quickly, and as he turned, Lily ran into his arms, sobbing into his chest. He held her in a death grip, never wanting to let her go again.

"I'm s-so sorry, baby. Merlin L-Lily, I'm so horribly s-sorry," James cried.

"I-I… f-failed, J-James, we failed our only child."

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If I did not follow JKR's version the this PLEASE PLEASE let me know. I love getting advice from readers about how I could make this better.

Thanks so much for reading, PLEASE REVIEW.

xoxx,

Mer


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